Return With Honor
Good Day Friends, Family and Opryland Family,
To say it has been one of those weeks is an
understatement. Sometimes I felt I just
existed and doing what I could do, to simply survive another day. I don't like those kind of weeks or
days. They wear me down and out. I try and do my newsletters before Sunday but
that does not always work, as in the case this week. When I Iook back at the week, it wasn't so
much a bad week just a blah week. When you hurt it is hard to stay up and stay positive
and then you find nothing positive to write about. I think I did pretty good until Sunday and then
I just fell apart. Part of this was
something that was said to me earlier that weighed on me all week. There is nothing I can do about the person or
what they said, but I realize now I let it affect me more than it should.
There are many wonderful and joyful things that happen in my
life and that happened last week. One of the highlights was getting to meet my
friend's son who has been gone for two years on a LDS Church Mission. (Another small lesson in Mormonism 101. All young men are expected to fulfill a two
year church mission when they graduate high school and are of age. This is something they pay for themselves and
can be sent anywhere in the world. They
must be PREPARED. There are many blessings tied to serving a mission, also many
sacrifices and life learning experiences.
Young men serve for 2 years and young women serve for 18 months.) I am amazed at the missionaries preparing to
go out and those who are returning home from service. They are so much wiser than I was when I was
in my early 20's, or could ever imagine to be.
That leads me to my friend's son who served his two year
mission in Japan. For two years he was
in Japan teaching the Gospel in Japanese (a language he had to learn in his
training.) There was no modern music, TV or movies for those two years. He
studied very heavily the Japanese language and teaching people about the love
and teachings of Christ. I believe in
order to teach the love and teachings of Christ you must also LIVE IT. You can tell by Zach's actions
he does.
One of the first things I was able to observe in him was his
love, faith and obedience for his family. Imagine that!! When I think about it, living the teachings
of Christ is all about love, faith and obedience. When we look at the 10 commandments I often
think of the seventh commandment which says, "Thou shalt not take the name
of the Lord thy God in vain" yet how many people do and think nothing of
it. It has always bothered me and turns
me off to many things. For me it shows
lack of respect and obedience. And
definitely not showing a love for our God.
I know, I know some of you may be saying, "Lighten up
Laura!" It's just a word!! It is just one of my little pet peeves that
bothers me. It may seem like a little
thing but I have learned those little things eventually turn into the big
things, so why not nip them in the bud now?
If I can't be obedient to the little things how will I ever be obedient
to the big things in life when they come?
So with my friend's son, she simply asked him to come to the Family
History Center to meet me. He could have easily said no, but he didn't. When we are gone for a while from friends,
what is the first thing we want to do?
Be with our friends and get back to the swing and freeness of life. But being a missionary is a strict routine
everyday and coming home you must find that happy medium between strictness and
freeness. I think that ties to obedience
in doing the things we know we should be doing.
I often hear people say, "No one is going to tell me
what to do or how to live my life."
These people are usually the ones who would be classified as "free
spirits" and do whatever they want no matter the consequences. I think the
freer in life you become the less obedient to God's commandments you become. One little thing here won't matter, and that
is where I think I found myself last week. Not so much what I did, but the
result of consequences from someone else I had no control over. I need to learn how to deal with them
better.
I feel I am a good person.
I care about others, help others where I can, I try my best to keep the Lord's
commandments and just try to live my life as obedient as I can by what I
believe. So being told I was a
"nice person" and would bend over backwards for people but I was not
a Christian for the way I believed struck a sore spot with me and I dwelled on
it.
I think it was the reason for having a sleepless week and not
feeling well. I could tell I was out of
whack last week and a friend mentioned she could always tell when I was not
having a good day because I talk fast and loud.
Ha ha That is very true I
think!! I was going through the motions
and following the rules of being obedient, but I don't think my heart was in
it. The motions were but not the heart. Someone had to take a swat at me and
knock me down. It was very hard to get back up.
It seemed every time I went to get back up, I got swatted back down. I
didn't know if I had the strength to go get up anymore. Some days I just wanted
to give up and stay where I was.
By Sunday emotionally and physically I was a mess. It was all I could do to merely exist again
and to go to church. I love going to church, but Sunday it was a chore. I know
it would have been okay to miss, but I couldn't. I need to go and be recharged for the next
week. I could hear the words in church that
were coming but that is where it all stopped.
I just couldn't seem to process them and take them to heart. I watched those at church welcome Zach home
from his mission; a good and faithful
servant. His Grandpa proud, his parents proud, siblings proud, and those who
watched him grow up proud and welcoming him home. I guess part of me was a bit jealous. My life had been so different than what his
was. Even though I was 18 when I was
baptized into the church, it took a long time for me to begin to understand the
teachings. Not because I didn't believe
them, but because it was hard for me to process them when my life was so
different. It made me wonder if I was
one of those good and faithful servants or if I could ever be one? If I left
this earth today would I return home with honor? What would my family think?
Did I do enough to just get by or did I truly do my best?
What makes us want to do more than our best? What makes us go beyond what we have to, to
do what we do? I love serving
people. I realized it was that
"return with honor" that I so much want one day. To return home to Heaven and know I was a
good and faithful servant in this life. Last night a friend brought me dinner.
She told me she thinks of me often and the impact I have on others. I don't see that, because I don't have the
"physical aspect of life" that is missing in mine. I have to try and imagine or guess the love
of a parent; the love of a family, that I have done something well. It's hard when the physical aspect of it is
not there. I think that is where I get
into trouble. When I get someone telling
me something as the person did who said I was a nice person but not a
Christian, I hear those words, and not the love I know many have for me. It's
not what I am accustom to and I don't know why.
But I start getting my doubts, then I think maybe all I am doing is not
enough then I doubt myself. I was just reminded of a quote I heard that said "Doubt
your doubt before you doubt your faith."
I need to remember that.
So this week I am digging my feet in a bit further and
becoming a bit firmer in what I know I must do in this life to return home with
honor. I need to help others where I can, and take to heart the good things and
dismiss the naysayers. I need to remember to keep more of my friends who are
struggling and in need of extra help in my prayers. I need to remember that just because I seek
out the good and try to do what is right, not everyone will agree. Just because they do not agree with me does
not make me or them a bad person. I want to be like those missionaries who do
all they could and their best in what they were asked to do. I want to hear
those words one day, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I may never be able to serve a full time
mission on this earth, so my mission now will have to do. If I can make that difference in one person's
life I know I can return home with honor.
We all can.
Hugs my friends...and thank you for letting me vent my
feelings every week. I love your
feedback and reactions to the newsletters.
It's one of the good things I hope I am doing and brightening some one's
day up!
Hugs and loves,
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