Starting Over
Greetings All,
It's finally here! SPRING!!
Hope it is warming up wherever you are!!
Here in Utah we have had a fairly mild winter. It has snowed and been
terribly cold, but we seemed to have had
most of that in December and a little in January. When I say terribly cold, we
were below zero for many many days, and
if we hit 0, we considered it a heat wave!
The good news is we have 90% of the reservoirs filled, snow in the
mountains and rain in the valley. I will take it. I am excited to see the buds come alive and
dead lawns begin to grow. Spring and
Autumn are my favorite times of the year.
I love the new growth of Spring and the change of Autumn into Winter to
get to Spring. There was a quote I once
saw that has always stayed with me, ""When you think of how reluctant
to change you are, think of the beauty of Autumn." And that is where my newsletter takes me this
week.
I feel like I am starting over AGAIN! Sometimes I feel like you have to just
scratch everything and go back to the basics.
I have noticed lately, that my stomach has been given me more and more
problems. Sometimes eating the smallest
of things will just seem to make it E X
P L O D E. It comes on with no warning, just some gurgles and alot of gas. Thursday it was worse than ever. I just said "That's it! I can't do this anymore!" I had read a
book called "The Feel Good Foods Cookbook." It all sounded promising but I was
hesitant. I finally decided I needed to
just go for it. One of the things they
talk about is "sweeping your gut and eliminate the trigger
foods." I am highly suspicious I
have intolerances to wheat and gluten, but tests come back as negative. As hard as I tried to stay away, I craved
them even more. So now I am trying a
different approach and although it is only day two the stomach problems have
just about vanished. It seems so crazy
the difference in two days. I know it is
going to be hard to change my eating habits (And I know I have said this
before) but I am not giving up!!
Lately I have thought of my own journey and what it took to
get me where I am. I will never forget the morning that changed my life
forever!! Amazingly enough when I sat
down to write this newsletter this morning, I realized it was the same day that
the miracle happened. It was four years
ago today my mom passed away. For me it
was one of the most beautiful things I
have ever experienced and really woke me up to life.
On Friday I got word she was in ICU in Cedar Rapids,
Iowa. I had mixed emotions and didn't
know how I felt because my mom and I never really had a relationship. I had not talked to her in 25 years. But this was my Mom. Why didn't I feel for her like I saw others
feel for their moms? On Saturday I got
word that she had survived the night, but doctors were surprised. They had called in the family. Sunday was the first time I could tell anyone
my mom was in the hospital. The person I
told was my friend Shaleen who I had just met on Friday. She said, "Laura if you were never
taught to love, or give, or nurture -- how do you know how to do that? I thought about that all day at church and
prayed I would know what to do. On my
way down the steps going home that day, I can hear it so plainly-- "Talk
to her with your heart she will hear you."
On Monday I decided to stay close to home. I grew very tired, said a prayer and had a
nap. Instantly I saw myself at a
hospital bed and knew it was supposed to be my mom. I did not know her. We said things to each other we were never
able to say here on earth. When those
words of "I love you" came out that is where it all changed. This big mean voice came and said "I
HATE YOU! I JUST HATE YOU!" Something just opened up in me that day and I
began to understand. I was told I was here not to be punished, but here for my
family and friends to bring them home because I said I could. Flash backs came to me as I remembered small
things that all began to make sense. The feeling was like none other I have
ever had. I don't know if there are
really words to describe it, except peace. And not the peace we feel here on
this earth, a different kind. It was
like a light bulb went on and I said, "I can do this!" I wasn't
scared anymore. I wasn't afraid of what others thought. My anger I had at my
family, at God, at the world seemed to disappear.
When I saw the ceiling in my room, I cried. I begged to be taken back to where I was but
was told "No you have a mission to fulfill." I knew what I had experienced no one would
ever believe me and never had any intentions of sharing it. But I also knew I could never deny what I had
just experienced. My mom had passed away
and I was there. The only thing I was
uncertain of was who the lady was that represented my mom. The next day I received another email and the
obituary of my mom. I gasped. The picture in the obituary was the same lady
in the bed. I knew without any doubt I
was with my mom. I know what I saw and I cannot deny it.
I think back to this four years since my mom has left this
life and the joys it has brought me. Yes
joy. I never got to experience what most
daughters do with their parents, but I believe one day I will. I know that it was because I stayed
persistent and knew there was more to life than what I had and I was determined
to find it.
This past week I got an email from a new cousin. Her family had found my blog on my Moore
Genealogy and wrote me. My grandfather
and her grandfather Grady were brothers.
Grady was the baby and was always a mystery to me. Sherri and I found many similar stories in
our lines, especially that of alcoholism.
I feel very blessed I never turned down that road. If I did, I don't think I could have made it
to this path and the journey I have been on.
Every Thanksgiving it gets very hard for me. That is when it seemed our family fell apart
and when alot of tragedies happened. I
cry. Because I think of all the choices
that had to be made for me to even be here, and yet here I am. It takes a long of change to bring on new
growth in one's life. That change is
never easy.
I think my biggest change has been my anger, my faith,
persistence, acceptance, tolerance...the list goes on. The old saying "everything happens for a
reason" I believe to be true. I
just know if you want to change to see the beauty of Autumn and the growth in
the Spring it starts with you. It starts
with one step. We all strive to discover
and figure out who we are. I think I did that most of my life. I promise you when you see it, it was worth
everything else you had to endure.
Earlier this week I saw a young man with a pink bow in his
hair. My first thought was "What
the heck?" But almost instantly I heard,
"But he is my son." I know the
choices I made in my life, my parents were not pleased with but it is who I
am. And thanks to my parents they helped
me make these choices by the mistakes they made. It is the same in our life. We must live by our choices, both good and
bad. Not everyone will be happy. My choices I make I try to do that which is
good. There are times when I do have bad
thoughts and I must remember not to get caught up in that frame of mind. I have no idea what that young man's journey
has been only that he feels wearing a pink bow is making a statement for him.
I love this time of year.
It helps me remember how important it is to grow, and to grow we need
to rid ourselves of the bad. There are
many people in my life I will forever be grateful for. There was Rick Sweeney who told me "I
love you" when no one else ever
had. Shaleen reminding me, "If you have never been taught how to love, give or
nurture how do you know how to do that?"
And there is my friend Jay who always believed in me, even when I
didn't. Thank you once again to all for
your friendship and love. I love the
change of Autumn and the growth of Spring...just like my life.
Rick, Me, and Connie 2001 Shaleen and me 2014 Me and Jay 1986
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